Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
