I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
