We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
