she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Randomize
