my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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