Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
