96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
