just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
