WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Randomize