Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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