I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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