It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
