Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
