Yo dont text me then not text me
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize