i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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