Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
