i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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