I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
