Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
