I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
