she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize