i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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