she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
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