What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
