the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
