I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
