I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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