Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
