my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
