walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
