girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
