I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
