ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
