There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
