I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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