I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
