you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
True college students do jello shots in the library
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
