Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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