I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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