Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize