i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize