I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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