K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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