Nicole vs. Life
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
