so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
