Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
