i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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