ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I wear drunk well.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
