I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
