either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
