He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We left an ass print on the piano.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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