I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
