? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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