New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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