she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
