Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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