OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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