why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize