I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My ass is underappreciated
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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