Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
