glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
