toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
