I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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