I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
