i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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